Why would God create Adam first?

[ranter]

My theory…. Here we go, you will love that one
After God became too old to bend down to suck himself, he decided to create a man of his alike so he can get blowjob once in a while. The first gay man Adam was created.

But God also has desire to have some children, so he and Adam (that explains why men have nipples) tried very hard for very long time to fulfill God’s desire until God realized that fucking man won’t work and he, God, have to come up with the master plan and to try to do something else. So one day God come up with the idea to build a woman and to give her reproductive functions.

Because God used up all available ingredients to create Adam, he decided to use some of Adam’s parts to create what was later became Eve. But Adam being in love with another guy cares less about woman and would constantly reject Eve until God got enough of Adam’s gay(ish) attitude so he let the snake in the garden to help Eve to turn Adam into straight man.

I am sure you know the rest of that story and what happened since after.